"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't to forget make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

Happy New Year!! :-)

An ode to Ocean Grove :-)

“And we danced too wild, and we sang too long, and we hugged too hard, and we kissed too sweet, and threw our heads and howled just as loud as we wanted to howl, because by now we were all old enough to know that what looks like crazy on an ordinary day, looks a lot like love if you catch it in the moonlight.” -Pearl Cleage

"Somewhere between the life you have and the life you want lies the quiet seed of potential. With each new thing you do — the friend you make, the garden you plant, the risks you take — it begins to open up. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, a new life of your making starts to sprout, taking root and fanning its damp leaves in the open air. But like all tender young things it requires attention, enough rest, enough sustenance to thrive. This month, give yourself plenty of what you need — maybe even a little bit extra. Get more sleep. Take a chance. Taste a new food. And watch things grow."

http://www.abeautifulrippleeffect.com/

"The truth, and you probably already know this, is that there might not be any “definites” in life, in defining ourselves. I should probably just write a list of “Things I’m Not Sure About” and include just one item: Everything. Because I’m learning that as scary and frustrating and heart-wrenching as it is, doubting everything really is essential. When we’re certain of things, we don’t have to think about them. We don’t question them. We don’t need to figure them out. And so we never learn if they really are “real,” or just facades of things we once knew and accepted. What we need to believe (and I’m working on this) is that what really matters — the people you love, the motivations that really drive you, what really brings you pleasure or pain — will stand up to any doubt you throw at it. Everything else never needed to be there in the first place." - life: unqualified.

Thanks to Kelly, a current volunteer for Teachers for Vietnam, for leading me to one of the best pieces on the experience of living abroad that I've ever read. The part that jumped out to me the most, as if I could have written it myself:

"It was December 1963, and I was glad to be gone. I'd been dismayed by the spirit of the times, the violence, the complacency, the racism, the militarism, the weird quest for material goods. I was well aware, with a lightness of soul, that I was unburdened. Everything I owned in the world fitted into the small suitcase I had with me. I had nothing in the bank, no property; did not own so much as a chair. I was superbly portable. I had just turned twenty-two."

Incredibly insightful article that has once again made me think about my next adventure.. and wonder if in fact I'll even have one. I just re-read the article again. Beautiful, in a way that you might not be able to understand unless you've put yourself in that position.

Two other articles that are making me think this morning about the balance of travel and settling:

Being a minimalist in today's society and a woman who was humbled by that article. My head is spinning this morning.

On a completely unrelated note, music. I've been trying to listen to more and to learn to love it again. I've been listening to a lot of Bruce Springsteen, he was amazing live when I saw him with my mom last year, and I'd love to see him again knowing even more of his music. My all time favorites are Brilliant Disguise, Thunder Road and Born to Run. Thunder Road might be my number one... jury's still out.

Also, I've finally given into Vilva, and I actually like Paramore. I don't have a lot of their beginning stuff (don't worry, he'll get it to me soon) but their new album is really good. A few songs I'd suggest listening to are All I Wanted, Misguided Ghosts, and The Only Exception. They are slower and the lyrics are pretty great.

That's all for now. I'm missing certain people terribly and consequently hating certain countries and oceans and time zones. But I am looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving to see my OG crew. Sometimes it's good to visit your roots and I need to remember that. I blow them off far too often for my Boston life. I'm working on it! See you guys in two weeks! xoxo.

I wonder why it was so much easier for me to write when I was in Vietnam. I had a lot of extra time and was incredibly introspective.. but I wish that writing had stuck with me. These days I'm usually uninspired to blog unless I'm sharing someone else's words and I wonder if that will ever change. I hope it does.

Today's post is inspired by this great piece about the things that matter.

Friends, friends, friends. People weigh family and friends differently. Family is important, family comes first. I'm not disputing this, but my friends are my family. Ever since I could remember. When I was younger I was upset about the fact that my family was small, not that close, kinda fucked up. And I was embarrassed that my people, my rocks, were my friends. As I grew I realized I wasn't the only one whose family was kinda fucked up and that I'm actually incredibly lucky to have such amazing friends. Today that's more true than ever. So this is just a post to say how grateful I am for that.

This weekend my mom came to visit and I wasn't quite sure what to expect. As a complete surprise to me, my oldest and best friend came to visit, too! For the most part, it was a great weekend and it was so, so, good to see her. I grew up with her. She knows me. Unfortunately, we don't talk too often. I'm always doing a million things, she's always going a million things, distance is easy, communication is sometimes hard. I know she loves me, she knows I love her. The most amazing thing about a friendship like ours is that even if we don't talk for weeks, when we do it is like no time has passed. Sometimes I get mad that she's not the best at keeping in touch, but in retrospect it doesn't change a single thing. That's just the type of friendship we have. Whenever I go home she will be there and we will spend time with each other and she'll come to visit me no matter where in the world I might go. It's so comforting to have that. Thankful for old friends.

The past twenty four hours have been a little rough for me. As I was walking around the city contemplating things I realized that the only person I wanted to talk to is someone I seem to be loosing touch with. The past few weeks I've been cursing her both in my head and to others, which I feel awful about, but I assume is my way of dealing with our new friendship, which for multiple reasons has changed from what we're both used to. So rather than be sad about how I haven't talked to her in so long, I just sent her a text and told her I missed her. She called me back and we had a really good talk. We caught up on each other lives, gossiped about our friends, complained about how we are too busy and too young to want to go to bed at nine every night and not go out on the weekends because we're so tired. We didn't talk about any of the things that have been bothering me, she didn't know I had a hard day... but I still felt better after we got off the phone. As much as it's been hard getting use to this new type of friendship we have, I know she will always 100% be there for me, and I hope she knows the same.

And then there are the people that surprise you. An ex who had a previous fault of not being a good conversationalist when it came to the things that mattered totally pulled through for me last night. Out of no where, made things a little bit better. We're not gonna be 'friends' all of the sudden and I wouldn't call him crying... but I am so thankful that he was around last night and that he was so supportive of me when he really didn't have to be. After my mini break down we just kept talking. I told him I was thinking of moving to the pacific northwest and he reminded me that I hate the rain, love the beach, and used to want San Diego. I don't remember when or why I changed my mind. He asked me where all of my hippy stuff went in my room and why and how I started listening to things other than jam bands. It's funny the things people remember and it's funny how people change. I wish I could have answered his questions. Then we started talking thoughts on politics, the draft, abortion. He's changed to, and I give him more credit then I have in the past. Thankful for the things I never ever expected.

And then there's Marisa. We never end up hanging out because I always flake out, she has way too many friends and does way too many things for me to keep up with, she listens to my bullshit and she laughs at me when I do stupid things (this happens often). I can talk to her about my recent fling or we can discuss the education crisis in urban cities. She's smarter than me and I love listening to her opinions and ideas. She loves wine [almost] as much as I do and is always dressed at least three times nicer than me. She was completely supportive of me in Vietnam and listens to me bitch about not being able to decide on Grad School. My favorite thing about her? She's one of the most interesting people I know. She loves to learn, and she inspires me. Despite the fact that I feel like I get more than I give, she's always there and I'm pretty damn thankful I know her.

Those are just a few things that have recently been brought to my attention. The list goes on and on about how grateful I am, but it wouldn't be an interesting read. I'm guess I'm just really lucky.

A great article about that wanderlust that ever traveler eventually struggles with if they decide to settle down. Have I settled down for good? No way. Who knows where I'll end up after grad school.

"So when we're grounded for an extended time, we have the opportunity to take our traveling soul and apply it to other parts of our lives - we take classes that nurture our interests, we spend time with people that "get" us, we continue to live simply, we research the next adventure. We can still feed the wanderlust. We are still "that" person."

For kicks. Shits and giggles. Piss & vinegar. Whatever.

Look what I just found.

A small step towards world peace? Did I really say that? Am I a beauty pageant contestant?

Two quotes I found worth sharing:

"A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it’s not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.”- George Carlin

"I use to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people, and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word." - Augusten Burroughs

I can't believe how much I miss my students. Below, a message I just received from one of them via facebook:

Hi, how are you? For a long time I haven't sent you a message. But I hope you still remember me. What are you doing in America? All of us, your students in Can Tho University, miss you very much and hope that we can meet you again. Lots of love for you! Xxxxxxxxxx
Bye bye. I'm looking for your message.

Your student,
Kim Yen.

Yesterday was invigorating. The class topic was Urban Education and it was by far my favorite class of the semester. I'm not even sure what I can say about it right now... but it was definitely moving and it only enhanced the fact that I need to work with children. Yes, need. I don't want to teach again. I had my moment, and it was amazing, but it will never been the same. And quite honestly, I'm not qualified and have no intention of changing that fact. I don't want to be a social worker, even though that's exactly the type of work that interests me, but I'm not interested in going to school for sociology. At least not at this point in my life. So where does that leave me? I have no idea. I still don't know if I want to focus on domestic or international. I still don't know if I want to focus on sex trafficking or soley education. I still don't know if I want to focus on children, or women and girls. I could write a book on the things I don't know.

But instead of this bringing me down, I'm actually quite looking forward to finding out exactly where I belong. A good friend told me last night it sounds like it's all related and no matter where I start I'll end up where I want to be. Where I'm suppose to be. Sounds like a plan to me.

If you're interested in the class I attended last night you can find the syllabus here. Yesterday's class has a few powerpoints and a really moving video, which almost brought me to tears. Explore. If you have any idea what I should do with my life, feel free to let me know.

Anne, from Life in Pencil, recently wrote about her life working in academia and what it means to her, along with how our goals may change, but that doesn't mean they won't come full circle again. This is something I sometimes think about. Whenever I talk to someone about "my job" or "my work" I have a hard time explain why I am an assistant. The obvious reason is I'm going to grad school for next to nothing. But the truth is, I really like it here. Seeing how the University works from the inside gives me a great perspective and much more respect then I had as a student. I find myself sometimes talking to students who are bitching about the "NU Shuffle" or one of many issues students have with the University, and siding with the University. If they only knew all of the things people are dealing with around the clock to make this experience perfect for them. And it's never perfect. You're always annoyed with something, someone. I know I was. But I love seeing how the other side of it works. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to get an MPA or stick around longer than originally planned, but I'm so grateful for this job. I'm learning things I never really planned on learning, and some things that may not specifically benefit me in the future, but I love learning them. I love being on the side that not everyone understands, and I love seeing things from a different perspective. Anne put it perfectly:

"And one thing is for sure—I love working in a university environment. I love that my meetings necessitate a walk along tree-lined sidewalks crowded with scholarly-looking people, and students hunched over with backpacks. I love the fact that I work with people who love learning, and who constantly seek new opportunities for development—both personal and professional. I love that I surround myself with symbols of my scholarly past, present, and future."

Unfortunately, last night's youth workshop was uneventful. The trainer was great at what she did, but I didn't learn anything. Positive note? This just means I already know a lot of the basics of how to work with youth. Hopefully the next one will be more engaging. Next up: Chorus rehearsal tonight, singing Beethoven's Mass in C! :-)

It is perfect fall weather. A little bit of chill, a little bit of sunshine, a lot of confusion in New England (what with the snow, and then the 70 degree week that followed.) But that's just another quirk you grow to love here. Take the bad with the good, and so far it's been great! The leaves are changing colors and falling and everything is pumpkin flavored... nothing to complain about here.

Yesterday I had a great girls day out with my friend Heather. We started at the South End Open Market and then walked to Chinatown for a great little Vietnamese lunch, and then took a walk through an Asian supermarket I didn't know existed. It was a great find - a ton of snacks from good ol' Vietnam, and even tapioca pearls so I can make bubble tea! They had banh xeo mix, pre cooked rice noddles, papaya's, mini banana's... it was like being back home. I'm so happy to know about it!

Then we did a little shopping in Downtown Crossing. I was highly successful - thanks to Heather. A few new pieces of clothes I can wear to work or when going out, plus a really great pair of red flats and the cutest black pumps. I've never really been a shoe person before - but I can see where this is heading. I wore my red flats to work today and I've been a great mood all morning. It really does just make you feel better. I hope this isn't a trend because my bank account can't handle it... but I've finally got a great pair of heels to wear out - and to work! I really enjoyed spending the day with someone who loves to shop! I've wanted to go shopping for a while but it's so hard for me to get motivated by myself. And living with boys has it's perks (and it's going really well, if you're curious) but it was so nice to just have a girly day.

I'm really looking forward to this week. The second session of the Youth workshop I'm attending is tomorrow, Wednesday is Chorus which I'm really falling in love with again, and Thursday's class is on Urban Education - right up my alley. Then... Halloween in New Orleans and seeing Michelle- finally! Looking forward to a great couple of days. My quote of the day, brought to you by Audrey Hepburn, who I'm sure held a soft spot for shopping and buying fabulous shoes:

"I decided, very early on, just to accept life unconditionally; I never expected it to do anything special for me, yet I seemed to accomplish far more than I had ever hoped. Most of the time it just happened to me without my ever seeking it."- Audrey Hepburn

Reason #435896745 why I will move to San Fran one day.

This video makes me incredibly happy. My best friend and I use to watch this growing up (on Nick at Night I believe.) I was Laverne, she was Shirley. We knew (I still do) all of the words to this song, and I'm almost positive we also had a dance and would randomly break into said song and dance at any given time. I don't talk to this person anymore, but this song reminds me of a lot of great times. Thanks to Kelly Diels for reminding me. What a great way to start the morning.

I miss home today. I have a lot of homes and I have a lot of friends and they are all over the world and I'm so incredibly lucky and I'm thankful for that every day. But there is a certain comfort that you get when you go back to where it all started, and sometimes you just simply need to be there. Even if you being home doesn't change anything, it won't change a single thing, good or bad, for you or anyone else. Still... sometimes it's all you need.

For the sake of being completely uncreative this week, I wanted to share a few great articles I've stumbled upon these past few days . Enjoy!!

• Kari, from Persistent Cookie recently wrote about 'What makes a grown up?' It was good to hear that at 30 people are having the same (same same but different, if you speak Asian tourist language) thoughts everyone I know is having today. I think it's nice to remember that while we are going through the college/ real life transition, everyone else is going through a transition of their own. To quote Kari, "This way go, that way stay; for you one and for me the other, and in the end, each of us is right. Anything could happen, but only one thing will. Understanding and accepting that? That's being a grown up." That pretty much sums up everything in my head right now.
• I read a great little article on the Matador Community blog, and it connected to my love for cities. I can't imagine not living in a city. I love NYC because it's big, I love Boston because it's small, I love the idea of San Fran because it's new and I can't wait to go explore New Orleans (two weeks!) I'm taking a class on "The Urban City" and it's challenges and opportunities today and it's been making me think about location a lot. I've never considered not living in a city. But when I become a "grown up" (see above) will I want a house? Will I want the suburbs? It's funny to even think about... I can't even dream of needing a car right now. Doug Foy was a guest speaker in class last night and he said, "Never live where you can't walk to buy milk." I want to always live by that rule... even when I do have a car. My favorite part of the article: "...the curious need to listen to conversations I can never understand. Spoken in a dozen languages. And yet I listen and listen as if it will suddenly all become clear. Like music." Maybe this is a newfound realization upon returning home, but that - hands down - is my favorite thing about living in a city.
• Joanna sent me a great link to Food Rules. Some of them are silly, some smart. Interesting fact: In Vietnam (As in Italy) we always ate fruit after dinner. If it was easier (and cheaper) for me to procure here, I'd be doing it all of the time, but it's nice to be reminded that so many other cultures are a lot healthier then us. When are we going to catch on? I also love the Zen post, because I love everything Zen.
• I found a great website called Man vs. Debt and with only little exploring so far, think it's worth sharing. That particular article quotes Tyler Durden, whom I love, and applies some of his quotes as personal wisdom for finance. A fun way to approach things, if you (like I) need to take a break from all of the drama that debt is starting to bring into your life.
• Another great article from the Matador Network. To be or not to be, the grass is always greener, the road not taken, when you say yes to something you're saying no to something else... These might be cliche, but they are phrases that seem to burden us all. Positive note? You're not the only one. You get a little taste of travel and you inevitably want more. You settle down and you want a family. Which is right? Which is better? I'm finding that no matter your age, we're all wondering the same things... 'is the decision I'm making the right one?' I don't think there's a right answer. But to come full circle here... "Understanding and accepting that? That's being a grown up."
• A final quote from the Happy Days Blog with the NYTimes: "We can’t change the world except insofar as we change the way we look at the world — and, in fact, any one of us can make that change, in any direction, at any moment. The point of life, in the view of the Dalai Lama, is happiness, and that lies within our grasp, our untapped potential, with every breath."

Food for thought on a chilly fall night.

"Consider that those we love dearly become a part of us, their input and reflections and advice and feedback gradually shape us over time, and as we incorporate tiny shards of them we also become more fully ourselves." - Lindsey, from A Design so Vast.

Hey look, I'm famous!

On Northeastern's Admissions News homepage you will find a picture of me with my students! If you click on it it will bring you to an article written about yours truly. I'm usually not one to brag but I'm also not usually one to get interviewed and written about! So read away!

The article actually came at a good time because I've been contemplating my trip a lot. Not as a direct shot to everyone teaching there now, but I've been reading their blogs and getting a little disheartened. A few of the teachers are only staying for this semester and I'm not sure we've found enough people to take their place. I know it's out of my hands, but I feel for TfV, the University's and the students who will have one less foreigner to spend time with. The work that Teachers for Vietnam does is incredible and I find myself constantly thinking of ways to promote the organization. So far I've put brochures in NU's Center for Community Service Office and told them anyone with inquires can be directed to me. I've also talked to to potential candidates for next year. One is a friend of a friend, and another is a complete stranger & fellow blogger who I've been writing e-mails to with advice to teach abroad (slightly pushing TfV, but we'll see..) I can't stress enough what an impact this decision has made on my life and how necessary I think it is for people to travel and (separately or not) do community service. Whether it is your own community or one you know nothing about (ie, me deciding to go to Vietnam on a whim) it is not only an amazing thing for those less fortunate than you, but it's great for you too. The people that know me the best know that I've changed in a lot of ways since I've been back, and none of that is for the worse.

It's hard. It's suppose to be. If it were easy, everyone we know would be hopping on the next flight out of here. When you are sick, all you want is the comfort of your home, or anything you're familiar with. A couch, for example. There were at least two times when I was serious about wanting to book the next flight home. But the best advice I received was "I love you, and I miss you, but I don't want to see you until May." I didn't want to disappoint my friends or my students, but mostly I didn't want to disappoint myself.

I'm not really sure who I'm talking to at this point in my ramblings. I guess I just want everyone to have the same experience that I did. Well not the same, because that would be impossible.. but I don't want the experience to be lost. By the time May came, I wanted to get out of Can Tho as fast as possible, but not necessarily Vietnam. But I still took the time to appreciate my whole experience because I know nothing that I ever do will be the same. Nothing. And even though it doesn't seem like it, time sort of waits for you. Everything at home will be exactly the same, everyone you left will still be there (or traveling the world, inspired by you.. which is how I like to put it when I'm lonely in Boston..) but they will still be the same and your friendship, if it was anywhere close to the real deal, will still be in tact. And you will have changed. And I don't want anyone to have a rushed experience because of the hardships one has to endure living in a developing country such as Vietnam. While I say that, I do realize that it's not for everyone. But if you're already there, don't take this time for granted.. try to really get to know the culture, your students, your new friends. Really be there. Because I know that it is so easy to go through the motions and actually be somewhere else in your head.

If you're reading this and you're in Vietnam, or elsewhere, doing whatever it is that you are doing to better yourself and others, I just want you to know that I'm really proud of you. It's not easy, but it's completely worth it. Just remember to take the good with the bad. And don't forget that this experience is for you, too. Don't wear yourself thin, don't rush this once in a life time experience.

Maybe I'm just writing this for myself. I've already convinced myself that I've made the right decision and I'm happy here. But I miss everyone a lot lately. My closest friends are all over the globe and I just miss everyone a lot right now. So I hope that everyone is incredibly happy and having an amazing time and I have to remember that it's their time now. And I have to hope that they are living in the moment and not wishing they were here instead. Even if I want them to be.

"Perhaps this is our strange and haunting paradox here in America - that we are fixed and certain only when we are in movement." - Thomas Wolfe

To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common—this is my symphony. - Henry William Channing

Brilliant Disguise.

I hold you in my arms as the band plays
What are those words whispered baby just as you turn away
I saw you last night out on the edge of town
I wanna read your mind and know just what I've got in this new thing I've found
So tell me what I see when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby or just a brilliant disguise

I heard somebody call your name from underneath our willow
I saw something tucked in shame underneath your pillow
Well I've tried so hard baby but I just cant see
What a woman like you is doing with me
So tell me what I see when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby or just a brilliant disguise

Now look at me baby struggling to do everything right
And then it all falls apart when out go the lights
Im just a lonely pilgrim I walk this world in wealth
I want to know if its you I dont trust cause I damn sure dont trust
Myself

Now you play the loving woman I'll play the faithful man
But just dont look too close into the palm of my hand
We stood at the alter the gypsy swore our future was right
But come the wee wee hours maybe baby the gypsy lied
So when you look at me you better look hard and look twice
Is that me baby or just a brilliant disguise

Tonight our bed is cold
Im lost in the darkness of our love
God have mercy on the man
Who doubts what hes sure of

I feel like these past few days have been one big test.

I seem to be stuck in a 'should I stay or should I go' tug of war with my brain. Upon realization of this, I wish it would stop. On the upside, I keep winning.

On Monday I had dinner with my friend Sarah, who was by my side during my whole decision to move abroad and always there for encouragement while I was gone (and since I've been back.) We went out for Vietnamese food- which was just a coincidence, it seemed to be the only option near her workplace, and I'm incredibly happy about that. It was really nice to see and old familiar face and be able to talk about my experiences again and hear about what is going on in her life. The conversation kept going back to now, and how I seem to be coping. As always she was chock-full of advice, and this is why I love her. But I seemed to be on top of my game. She was explaining life after coming home from abroad, things I should be doing, things I should be remembering. It was incredibly helpful to hear it from someone else, but I felt like saying "I know." And maybe I did. And it was the first time ever, talking to her, that I felt comfortable with where I was and how I felt. It seems as though I'm doing everything right. It seems as though I made the right decision and I'm happy about it. It it weird that that is what makes me uneasy?

Then I get a message from a friend who is teaching English in Japan. We graduated and left for Asia at the same time, but he stayed longer and is still there. I got a slightly uneasy message, although nothing that hasn't gone through my head before, about the balance of staying or leaving. About settling or living in absolutely as many places as humanly possible. About our similar wanderlust and the wonder of how in the hell it will all work out for us. While I tried to be as supportive as possible, my initial reaction was "I know how you feel," and "I feel the same way." And while that first statement was easy to say, I had trouble with the second. I couldn't help but realize that I don't feel that way right now. And that felt good.

In every day conversations I have with friends, I feel so content. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm not the one with her head in the clouds, but the one with my feet on the ground. I notice all of the little things that people let bother them, the people that feed off of drama, the general confusion among everyone our age, especially the ones who are having a hard time finding jobs and just general confusion about where they are in life right now. I feel pretty far away from all of that. Don't be fooled by this - I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. But I'm pretty okay with not knowing right now. And with where I am. For now.

A new teacher for Teachers for Vietnam just posted this quote on her blog:

"It has been said that the more one travels, the more one's attention turns inward...Travel, when done habitually, when done for a living, changes you in ways mostly good, sometimes bad. On one hand, it is the greatest privilege one can imagine: to see the world in all its flavors, colors, and seemingly infinite variety; to discover firsthand the differences among us on this enormous and complex planet - as well as the things we share. On the other hand, travel can become a compulsion, though it keeps us away from friends and loved ones - sometimes even when we're back. When I'm away, I yearn for home. When I'm home, I'm listless. I seem to no longer fit. History and literature are filled with characters who see Asia or Venice, and never go back to the way they were." - Anthony Bourdain

Although I think this is a brilliant quote, and completely accurate, I can't help but notice that I'm not listless today.

And even if it's just for today... that realization is enough for me.

I love books.

I might love books more then any other person I know. Except Michaela. And Marisa. And Nikki. Okay so I'm a lot of my closest friends also have the same obsession. But it's incredible to me just how many books there are out there. Think about it.. walk into a library or a book store and if you have the same obsession as me, it's hard to contain yourself. I could sit in there for hours, and sometimes I do. Michaela and I use to joke about how we like to judge a book by its cover, and it's completely true. We don't like hard cover books, so we barely even look at those, but the ones I pick up have to grasp my ADD-self to really make me want to pick it up. When I came home from Vietnam I think I bought about ten books, going to the bookstore every day because I could. That's the only reason. When I just moved into my new apartment I spent my hard earned cash on a book shelf, and while it's not yet as good as Michaela's, I'm pretty proud of it. Some of them are borrowed (Thanks Mom!) but they all spark my interest in some way- even if it is just the cover. Some are self-help/new age/inspirational types. Some are cookbooks (I still want a Julia Child's cookbook, if anyone out there is listening...) and general food inquires (currently anything by Marion Nestle, and Fast Food Nation.) The others a good mix of fiction, non-fiction, and classics (not too many of those, but a few Jane Austin novels are always nice to fall back on.)

I don't know why I assumed you were all interested in that.. but here's my point. I love books. I love looking at them, I love talking about them, and I would really love it if I got around to reading them. My friend Lisa was just cleaning out her apartment and I got about ten new books- maybe the best thing to happen to me in a while.

Then, thanks to Marisa, I was reading about America's Smartest Cities. Boston is number 3! And the quote I read was what inspired me to write this blog:

“When you go into somebody’s office or you go into their home, one of the things you case out is their bookshelf,” says Fiery Cushman, a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Harvard University. “Bostonians have unrealistic expectations about how much reading they can get done.”

Can't argue with that.

Also, not for nothing, but San Fran is #2. I really know how to pick 'em huh?

This is also where I say that I officially consider myself a Bostonian. Not that I'm smart, but I'm wicked excited for Celtics season to begin, and the Sox first playoff game is Thurs. Nothing to complain about here.

I'm feeling a little more like myself every day.

This statement is interesting for a few reasons. 1) I'm definitely a different person than before I left for Nam. In more ways then one. I like this, and a big part of the reason I left was to accomplish this. 2) The whole "reverse culture shock" thing has to do directly with number 1 and (conversely) the fact that I miss the person I use to be. 3) I'm finally finding my place between the person I use to be, the person I was comfortable with, the person who was comfortable in her own skin, and this new person. This new person is more open minded, more cultured, more learned, more excited about life and all of the possibilities it can bring, more "over" the drama of life. More experienced in ways that she never thought she'd be able to experience. Tonight, I feel like once these two people merge, I'll finally be 100% okay.

Today was an incredibly productive day. I woke up early, not hungover, which was really refreshing for a Sunday morning. I drank Artichoke tea that I brought back from Vietnam, read some of my book, did my laundry (including sheets & comforter,) went food shopping for the first time in two weeks, watched a little bit of football with the boys, cooked a little, played (and won!) bag toss, and concluded the day with going to Heather's for a delicious dinner/wine/girl-talk and the premiere of The Next Iron Chef. Did I mention that this morning I payed off one of my credit cards? I've never done so many [great] things in one day.

I brought my reusable bags to the supermarket with me & bought all healthy food that I can cook into something wonderful. This is a part of the old Sam that I've missed. Instead of my recent diet of buying my lunch at ABP/Boloco/Qdoba everyday, followed by pizza and packaged/frozen food the rest of the time. It's all too easy to eat crap and waste money on said crap in this "on the go" life style I've settled into. But there are ways around in. And I'm working on it.

For lunch: tuna fish. It's cheap and easy, but today I added celery and Cranraisons, which may have been the best decision I've ever made. I think I'll make the same thing for lunch tomorrow. Then, I made my moms famous snack: celery with cream cheese and olives. My all-time favorite, and also so easy. The boys were all over watching the Pats and I think they appreciated the (healthy!) snack. Then I pre-made a snack I use to make in Vietnam all of the time: cucumbers, tomatoes and onions, drenched (no exaggeration there) in balsamic vinaigrette. I made it so often in Can Tho because it was so cheap to buy from the market, and everything was always so fresh. It's refreshing during the day, and it's also good if you fry an egg and add it to the mix.. but since I'm hardly ever home, I might just take it with me to work and ex-nay the egg.

For dinner, Heather made fish tacos: Halibut (I believe) with spices, tomatoes, avocado, and a separate mix of peppers, onions, and cabbage mixed with a Caesar dressing. Add rice and wrap everything in a tortilla. Delicious. If the wine and girl talk wasn't enough, Jo called us and told us stories of her weekend (on speakerphone) while we ate. It couldn't have been more perfect.

For dessert (during Iron Chef) we ate homemade brownies made by Finn, who added a light coating of Caramel on top. As if this wasn't enough, Heather then put marshmallows on top of it (still part of Finn's concoction..) and threw it in the oven for a little while to cook the marshmallows. It was served to me on a plate with some Nutella, and I couldn't love Heather and Finn more right now.

I love having food back in my life in a positive light. And on that note, I've also lost some of the "Vietnam" weight I collected while being force-fed a million meals a day (although they were delicious.) I'm not trying to loose weight but I'm finally comfortable again, and I think I've finally gotten back to my normal schedule of when to eat and when to stop eating (which is a lot easier when I'm not committing any cultural faux-paus.)

Generally feeling pretty great about life. Plans for this week:

1) Figure out how to pay my college loans. This includes consolidation and figuring out how much I can pay per month while still being able to have an active social life.

2) Read more blogs.

3) Write more.

4) Cook more. I know this will be hard since I'm not home often. Lets change this to.. Eat out less. Tuna with Cranraisons every day for lunch? Maybe.

5) Read more. I'm currently in the middle of three books, and there are at least ten sitting on my bookshelf I'm dying to break open.

6) Figure out grad school. If I can get my act together I can start on October 26th. Lots of decisions to make.

7) Learn something new. Stay posted.

Eventually I want to write at least a little bit every day. My problem with this is that I hardly think I have enough interesting things to talk about that often. So I decided to spend some time reading other blogs. Of strangers. (I'm obviously really busy at work.) This is slightly new to me, other then my obsession with Danielle LaPorte and her incredibly inspiring White Hot Truth. It's been interesting to see how everyone "knows" each other, at least in the blogging world. Each blog I read refers me to another and they all talk about how inspiring the other is, constantly quoting from the next. So somehow I've entered myself into the mix of these incredibly inspiring women and instead of writing I just keep reading blog after blog after blog.

So stay tuned to see where this blog might go. In the meantime, a few things I've done/learn/realized this week:

1) I love lunch dates. Meeting a friend, especially an old friend or someone you haven't seen in a while, in the middle of the day is both something to look forward to and a nice pick me up before going back into the office for the long haul. For those of you who have reached out, thanks. For those of you who are around, let me know! I feel important and busy scheduling lunch dates with people - it makes my life a lot more interesting.

2) I feel like I don't have a lot of "friends" here in Beantown anymore. On the contrary, there are a lot of people around I just don't contact them enough. So I convinced my roommates to have a party tonight (not a difficult task) and already have enjoyed the art of bringing people together. I'm looking forward to tonight.

3) The thrill of the unknown. Meeting new people, getting excited about the little things again - I have no idea what's going to happen but looking forward to the fun and non-seriousness of it all. I'm tired of over dramatic people. I'm over it. The thrill is exciting.

4) Went out with people from work last night and had a really great time. I'm always the youngest, and most of the time I feel like I don't belong, but I am trying to step it up a notch. Met other people from the University, had a lot of really great conversations. Drank martini's and wine while live jazz music played in the background. Felt like an adult. I can do this.

5) The internet is amazing. Exploring, trying to figure out what twitter is all about. I figure since I'm at my computer all day, the least I can do is get involved with this online community of blogging, tweeting, etc. We'll see how long it lasts until I get frustrated.. maybe I'll like it!

6) Missing Vietnam more then I can explain. Talked to everyone I know - everyone is okay. The damage was mostly done in Central Vietnam and I luckily only have ties to the North and South. The articles and pictures have made me slightly depressed and my drive to save the world has been kicked in. I wish I could just be there. I don't know what good that would do.. but it would make me feel better.

7) Happy October! It's officially fall weather and I love it. Getting terrified of winter because I never liked the cold before and after a year of no seasons I'm not sure I'm fully prepared for a New England winter. But fall is beautiful. I love the crisp air, the changing colors, the pumpkin flavored everything. Fulling taking part in everything fall has to offer. If winter could just hold off for as long as possible...

8) I love talking on the phone. When I was in HS my boyfriend lived an hour away and we talked on the phone for what felt like (and very well may have been) hours every night. This lasted at least four years. Granted, that was slightly before internet took over our lives (definitely before facebook and texting.) I talked to Joanna on the phone for over an hour the other night, it was so nice! I can't wait for her to move back to Boston, but it was nice to relive the telephone call. I wish people would do that more often.

9) Quotes might be my favorite thing, and if you've ever met me you probably know this. No matter how I feel or what is going on in my life I can usually find a quote to represent how I feel, better then I could say it myself. This quote that has been presented to me in a few different ways this week and although I liked it, I didn't feel an immediate connection with it. I finally wrote it down and figured maybe I should pass it on. I have no idea what it means for me right now, but maybe it will be good for someone else. And I've always loved Anais Nin...

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are."

Last night's panel Education of Boston Youth was amazing. Two of the speakers were high school students that were members of the Boston School Advisory Council. BSAC is a city-wide group of student leaders who work on policy's and the decision making process for the Boston Public School District. I can't tell you how eye-opening and inspirational it was to hear them speak.

We all always gave Wall High a lot of shit for being well, terrible, but listening to these girls was a slap in the face. I knew the BPS's were bad inasmuch as they are inner city kids coming from low income housing. But the schools are deteriorating at quite a fast pace. The budget cuts hit them hard. At most schools, anyone without tenor was fired. This includes guidance counselors to the point where one school has one guidance counselor. The school isn't as big as mine was, but we definitely had multiple counselors. This is screwing over especially the seniors and juniors who want to take the SAT's and apply for college. Who do they have to help them? One girl said that she had to miss an entire 80 minute class period just to stand in line to sign up for the SAT's. Sounds counter-productive to me. Extra-curricular activities (except for sports) have all been cut-off. ALL OF THEM. Not at all of the schools, but even at the others they have been cut down tremendously. And these aren't kids that can go home afterwards and play. Maybe some of them don't have the family support and these kids especially need something to do, somewhere to go after school. They need the support of faculty to help them out. One school doesn't even have a Student Council Board anymore because they won't pay the faculty members extra to stay after school - so no one does. It's even harder for the older kids who had things to get involved in and teachers to help them out in the beginning, but have suffered because of the budget cuts. I get that the economy is in a bad place right now... but these are children! Aren't they suppose to be the future?

So yeah, the drop out rate is increasing. These kids don't have any motivation to stay! The school provides them close to nothing in extra-curricular's OR in support. Once they turn 16 they can opt to sign themselves out. So they do. This leaves me feeling incredibly helpless and even a little sad.

The upside is, there are kids making a difference. BSAC sounds like an amazing program and the kids who talked to us were incredible. Hearing them say "I love school," "I love education" and "We're not getting the education we deserve" was really inspiring. And they said this part themselves - We hear about the drop out rates, the low funding, the teacher cuts and we all know that Boston Public Schools, for the most part, don't have a lot to offer. But what we don't hear about is the kids on BSAC- re-writing the homework policy, meeting with the Mayor about ways to improve the quality of their education, and teaching themselves how to get through it all. We don't hear about the kids who stand out in front of the state house protesting their right to a better future - no one televises it.

The panel was incredibly engaging and inspiring. It leaves me with the usual questions: What are we doing wrong? How can I help? What's next? Knowledge is good, but finding answers would be better.

A seven year old just made my day.

A family I use to babysit for has always held a soft spot in my heart. The youngest, Peyton, was my favorite (yeah, I know you're not suppose to have favorites, but everyone does.) After not seeing her for a few years I saw her in June and she ran up to me and gave me a big hug and told me she missed me. I was taken aback because 1) she was about 4 feet taller then the last time I saw her and 2) I was surprised she even remembered me. Her older sisters know me because I also taught them dance, but Peyton was just a baby so I didn't think she would. Yesterday I received a voicemail from my mom that was actually Peyton! Apparently my mom mentioned my name and Peyton just said "I love her." My mom thought it was so cute that she had her call me and leave me a voicemail. It almost made me cry. She sounds exactly like her sister did at that age, who is now a sophomore in HS (I. am. getting. so. old.) She said "I miss you and I want you to come here. So, bye!" My mom also took a picture and sent it to me - she's so big. It almost made me want to go home. Or ship them up to Boston. I miss having kids around my life, teaching dance and babysitting was all I ever did. Maybe I need to start doing something soon...

The Center for Community Service started a program this fall called Service & Leadership Development Series. They are going to do panels based on a different topic each semester. This semester is Youth, so I signed up right away. (They weren't really sure if I could, seeing as I'm not an undergrad anymore, but I use to work for them and I'm technically still with Northeastern so whether or not I'm "suppose" to be there is irrelevant.) The first session is today and will be a panel discussion with community members about issues facing Boston youth, particularly those affecting education. I'm really looking forward to it! Stay tuned.

In other life news:
I'm fighting a cold/the flu. It's not fun. But no fever yet.
My boss is buying me a blackberry.
There's a typhoon in Vietnam.
I spend way too much money on food.
There is way too much cheese in my diet.
DC for Columbus weekend to visit Christopher and get an official post-8th-grade-class-trip tour of our capitol. As an added bonus, Frank & Sam live there too.
New Orleans for Halloween with Michelle & Jake. Enough said.
Living with boys isn't as bad as everyone thought it would be. But someone stole my toothbrush.
When I'm not having a panic attack, I really love this city. And I'm really glad I'm here.

Although I have a hard time admitting to it, it seems I'm still going through the grueling process of reverse culture shock. I'm not sure I can explain it well, but it's enough to recognize I'm dealing with it on a daily basis. I read enough travel blogs and see the pictures of both friends and strangers who are having the time of their lives. Who are finding themselves in the same position I was in just a few months ago. Who are finding themselves. And while I couldn't be happier for them, it breaks my heart.

Traveling is an experience like no other. With friends, strangers, or by yourself, it opens you up to ideas and possibilities that you never even knew existed. And that, I have to remind myself, is what brought me here.

I'll never forget the first few times I met foreigners in Can Tho. You always go through the same sequence of questions. "What brought you here" I'm not sure. "What did you study in school?" Music. People never understood what that meant or why I wasted my time or what the hell I was doing here. (Or was I just so uncomfortable with the thought myself that I assumed all of this? Maybe they admired it. Maybe not.) Everyone had plans for "life after Vietnam". Mostly for grad school. I felt like I was in high school again and everyone assumed everyone else was going to college, because that's what you do. These people all assumed that grad school came next. Sure they were taking a year off and traveling, but grad school was always in the future. Not once in my life prior to these moments did I ever consider grad school. Not only was it out of my reach financially, but music industry kids don't need a Master's. Hell, they don't even need a Bachelor's. But it made me wonder why I never thought of it as within my reach. Why couldn't I get a Master's? Why couldn't I learn something new, get a second chance? I had already fallen of the music industry boat (and gladly.) My time away presented me with new knowledge and ideas that I never had accepted before. I was eager to explore, eager to learn. And then all of the sudden I was eager to come back. So I made it work. I put myself in the position to obtain a Master's Degree starting as soon as January, and I could completely it as slowly or as quickly as I want, and all for free. So what's my problem?

Every once in a while I have a slight anxiety attack that dances around the question what have I done. Why am I in contract at a full time job with a salary and benefits? Unable to leave at the drop of a hat. I'm settling into the rush of American life. The money. The worry. The stress. Not once in Vietnam did I have to deal with any of that. Not in the same way, anyway. You want to take a nap? Sure, we'll close down the town for two hours every afternoon so we all can nap! You want your meal to be made fresh right in front of you, with the freshest ingredients I just picked from my backyard? We can do that! Do you want a market where you can buy fresh fruit for practically nothing, every day? We'll put one on every block! These are the simple things that I miss.

And now I miss people. I miss everyone in Vietnam. I miss all of my friends who are on their own travel adventures. I miss my students who thought I was amazing and perfect no matter what I did. I miss everyone smiling at me as I walk down the street.. just because they are happy to see me... even if they don't know me. I miss laying in a hammock. The list goes on.

The irony of the whole thing, and I should have seen this coming, is that I missed home so much. Not "home" persay, but my friends and family. I missed having my network of people. I missed being in college and going out drinking and making stupid decisions and not being judged, because everyone else was doing the same thing. It opens up the discussion of.. are we ever satisfied? I, apparently, am not.

I think I'm afraid to make a life for myself here because I'm afraid I'll get stuck here. I work with amazing women who worked full time to get their Master's degree, too. One got an MPA, one and MBA. And they're still working at Northeastern. They've settled. And if they were happy with that decision, I'd be happy for them. But the more I get to know everyone the more I hear about how they would rather be any where else. And maybe they aren't talking travel, or even leaving Boston. But they're still in the same place (albiet any promotions) that they were ten years ago. And they aren't happy. And even when they aren't talking about it, I can see it. They only make me want to leave even more. So what do I do now? I stay on my toes and try to remember that I am here because I wanted to be here. And I don't have to be here forever. And I can take trips and explore America on the little dime that I do have. And instead of sitting around missing people I can make a life for myself here. As long as I remind myself that one day, I'd like to be able to leave.

"Transitory routine. A travel paradox. At some point I’ll have to reconcile the love of getting settled with the love of leaving, the love of routine with the love of novelty, the desire for newness with the desire for familiarity. Or not."

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.
- American Beauty

"I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited." - Sylvia Plath

"Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, 'nostalgia' literally means 'the pain from an old wound.' It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It let's us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved." -Mad Men

I found this quote in a recent Chuck Klosterman book I was reading and I clung on to it:

"This is what being alive feels like, you know? The place doesn't matter. You just live."

At the time (not too long ago) it felt right. Maybe it's because so many people are coming and going and I'm at the age where everyone I know (myself included) is a little restless and when I think about this quote I feel okay about the decisions I have made. Maybe it makes me feel better to not put such an emphasis on place, and more on just living your life.

Then I was recently in a class (more on that later) and this quote got me:

"Place Matters."

He described it beautifully. About how some cling to the memory of their childhood and even though people move away they will always remember that place. About how people are loyal to the place they live in (Bostonians are incredibly loyal and it's part of the charm I love here.) Places might change but memories don't, and just because you are no longer there doesn't mean that place didn't once matter. I don't ever plan on living in New Jersey again, but do I consider that my home? Boston is my new home. Vietnam was once my home. And one day, I'll have a new home, hopefully on the west coast for a little while. How much do all of these places matter?

When my closest friends are living all over the world (literally) it's hard for me to pick a side. I want both to be true.

First posted on Zen Habits, then posted by Ben Casnocha. I'm a sucker for this. Love it:

Do something.

Do something interesting.

Be a part of the conversation, and say something remarkable. Create something unique, new, beautiful. Build upon the works of others and transform it into your own.

Write a book. Or an ebook. Write poetry and publish it on the web. Create interesting, lovely or funny videos, put them on You Tube. Be passionate. Write a web app that will solve a problem in people’s lives. Become a watchdog to replace the faltering newspapers. Explore the world, and blog about it. Try something you’ve always been afraid to try, and put it on video. Be yourself, loudly. Start a new company, doing only one thing, but doing it very well. Start a business that does a service you’ve always wanted, or that you are frustrated with in other companies because the service sucks. Put your heart into something. Say something that no one else dares to say. Do something others are afraid to do. Help someone no one else cares to help. Make the lives of others better. Make music that makes others want to weep, to laugh, to create. Inspire others by being inspiring. Teach young people to do amazing things. Write a play, get others to act in it, record it. Empower others to do things they’ve never been able to do before. Read, and read, and then write. Love, and love, and then help others to love. Do something good and ask others to pass it on. Be profound. Find focus in a world without it. Become minimalist in a world of dizzying complexity. Reach out to those who are frustrated, depressed, angry, confused, sad, hurt. Be the voice for those without one. Learn, do, then teach. Meet new people, become fast friends. Dare to be wrong. Take lots and lots of pictures. Explore new cultures. Be different. Paint a huge mural. Create a web comic. Be a dork, but do it boldly. Interview people. Observe people. Create new clothes. Take old stuff and make new stuff from it. Read weird stuff. Study the greats, and emulate them. Be interested in others. Surprise people. Start a blog, write at least a little each day. Cook great food, and share it. Be open-minded. Help someone else start a small business. Focus on less but do it better. Help others achieve their dreams. Put a smile on someone’s face, every day. Start an open-source project. Make a podcast. Start a movement. Be brave. Be honest. Be hilarious. Get really, really good at something. Practice a lot. A lot. Start now. Try.

xx

A few months ago I wrote a letter to a friend talking about how I missed having a creative outlet. About how I needed to start a new hobby or find some inspiration somewhere and how I really hoped I could figure all of this out in moving back to Boston. I wrote to this specific person because I thought they knew me and would know what to say to make me feel better. I got no response.

So I assumed my thoughts were outlandish and I was embarrassed I said anything at all and quickly convinced myself to get over it. Since I'm no longer letting said person control my emotions, I've gotten myself back to where I was and I want to do things. I want to learn, read, write, dance, sing, run, volunteer, open myself up to as many possibilities as I can for as long as I can. This thought process has also stemmed from being on campus for freshman move-in, welcome week and the start of classes. I miss it. So I started taking initiative.

I realized that although my entire life has revolved around music and dance, I now have no hobbies. So, I looked into everything in the area. I miss dance more then anything, but I can't afford it right now, so I signed up for a gym membership at Northeastern. With my awesome benefits I get a pretty big rebate back and I'm paying an incredibly low price for the Marino Center. I've been going every day after work and it really is true that revving up your endorphins really makes a difference in your mood (Is it the placebo effect? Maybe. But it's working.) I even started meeting Vilva there and he gave me some workouts that are killing me, in a good way. I also signed up for the NU 5k run on September 26th. Wish me luck!

Although working out is a good start, I would hardly call it a hobby. So, you are now reading the blog of a new member of NU's Chorus. I couldn't be more excited. I haven't sung in about three years so I'm definitely rusty, and it wasn't as easy as I thought it was to 'get back on the horse'. But the good thing about that is I need to spend more time reviewing what I use to know and studying the music. We are singing Beethoven's Mass in C as well as Four Scottish Songs he wrote. It's refreshing to have music back into my life in a way that makes me happy, unlike my undergraduate degree. Our concert is December 5th. See you there!

So, I'm on my way. I have another project up my sleeve for tonight, more on that next time!

I'm starting anew, I'm starting a new blog.

I know I've only been back in the states for three months, but I've already lost it. I lost the excited feeling of seeing everyone and everything for the first time and I'm settling into a routine. Which is what I wanted and also what I've dreaded. But I refuse to succumb to the boredom and the 9-5 [read: 8-4] every-day-ness that wants to swallow me whole. I'm not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself that I'm not somewhere else doing something else while a handful of the people I care about most on on their own adventures. I already had mine.

I have a hard time reading stories from other people [read: my best friends], because they're not mine. Not that I think they aren't as good.. but I know what experiencing it feels like and I don't get that feeling reading their stories. I just get a knife-in-the-stomach feeling that not only is it not happening to me, but I'm getting further and further away from my experience and more curious about the next stages of my life. I want this to stop.

I was so excited to come back, I had an amazing summer, and I fell in love with Boston all over again. I want to soak this up, I want to remember this feeling, I want to be here for the next three years and then jump ship again. That's always been the plan in my head, but I'm already nervous I'm going to get stuck for longer. Stuck. I don't want to think about it this way.

I'm going to pursue a Masters Degree. This was never, ever, ever on my "To Do" list for my life. I'm completely nervous and really excited to start this adventure. I don't want to rush it, but I'm already getting restless. One thing I've always known about myself.. I need to keep busy. If I keep busy I don't think about this longing and ache to be somewhere else. I don't think about all of the people I already miss. I don't think about Germany. I don't think about Vietnam. I don't think about all of the "what-ifs" that are constantly playing through my head. I keep busy, and I move on.

That's that. No sob story. I'm here doing what I want to do and I don't have to be here forever.. just for now. And great things are capable of happening and who knows what the future will bring and I don't need to be planning it now. I'll wake up every morning and remind myself that Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life. And I will have a good day. And I'll write in my new blog.

xx