Change.

I wake up one morning and things as I know it have changed. A life I was settling into and planning for is now part of the past. I've found myself here before. I've been this girl before, but this time it seems different. The earth was swept out from underneath my feet but this time I'm still standing. My resilience is confusing, but I recognize that the world still goes on. If I were to stand still everything would continue to move around me, so I choose to continue to experience it. I choose happiness, and hopefully eventually it will come.

I am moving a little bit slower. I find myself sometimes walking around in a daze, confused about how to experience my every day things. Going to work, doing my homework, my laundry... things that need to get done are getting done a little slower as I make new memories of old places. There's no use sulking, there's no use wondering 'what if'. The only thing to do is live for today. Right?

I read today in Conscious, Cool, Chic that June is a powerful astrological month. "A lot of energy is changing and moving us forward very strongly on ever-clearer paths. Are you feeling it in your world?" You bet I am. That article then led to this gem. Whether or not you follow what these woman are talking about, these quotes struck a chord in me about the things we'll be feeling this month.

"Liberation from the ghosts of the past. We carry the ghosts of our former lives and the memories of collective social patterns with which we have identified our egos. Every new beginning is surrounded with ghosts (or personal and social karma). Whoever seeks to be truly an individual must be liberated from the past. What is needed is total liquidation of the past."

"We are developing a stronger trust in ourselves and our ability to handle challenges as they arise."

"This eclipse marks a new beginning and a new opportunity. It is about changing our perspective, which in turn changes our reality."

I'll take it. When I think about change, I get excited. Loosing something means gaining something else. In this case, today, I'll take freedom. I am no longer a part of a "we" or an "us." I am going to be on my own. Think about the freedom! Where can I go from here? San Diego? San Fransisco? Argentina? Australia? Why not?

It's still new. The alone-ness still aches and sometimes I have to catch my breath, which normally brings tears to my eyes. And I can't imagine this will go away any time soon. But all I can do is be grateful for what was, and consider all of the opportunities for what will be. Suggestions welcome.


In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?
-
Siddhārtha Gautama