Listen.

My life seems to always revolve around one thing, law of attraction style. Lately, it's been listening. Most people would describe me as a quiet and reserved person (sans alcohol...) and for some people that's just fine. However, it has come to my attention that not everyone in my life is pleased with this seemingly reserved person who doesn't like to take part in conversations. Which is an over-exaggeration, of course. But it is true that I like being quiet. Sometimes I even revel in the quietude. It is also true that I am surrounded by people who would consider themselves a "people-person;" most are outspoken, whether they want to be known as the center of attention or want to seem interested and involved at all times, they are always in the mix. I am literally surrounded by people like this. I love them because I can count on them to keep the conversation going and there's usually never a dull moment. I love them specifically because they aren't quiet. How boring would our lives be if we surrounded ourselves with people so similar to us?

I find a flaw in the theory that the more you talk or the more questions you ask, the more interested you seem. Without the proper knowledge of "knowing when to reel it in" it could come off as arrogant, or just downright annoying. Whatever happened to listening? Last week my company offered an "active listening" session, and while I am embarrassed at the fact that something like this exists because people can't remember childhood lessons, I will say that at least three of my coworkers needed to go to this. And my hope is that they benefited from it. But the point is that we are putting "listening" into the category of professional development here. Someone is teaching adults how to listen. Shouldn't we know this by now? Somewhere along the way people were taught to speak up; say what you're thinking immediately or you might not get a chance, prove to your boss/friends/significant other that you know what you’re talking about at all given times, that you'll be respected more. I'm here to plead the contrary. Listen more. Talk less. Make yourself vulnerable to silence. Hear what other people have to say without thinking of what you're going to say next or interrupting them to say the next best thing. Whatever you have to say can wait. And maybe you'll even learn something.

I'm not knocking speaking up for yourself. It's a valuable skill set to know how to articulate your thoughts and not be afraid of speaking your mind, two things someone like myself could use in a professional development session. But knowing how and when to listen vs speaking up... that can make all of the difference.

"I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention and especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this." - Rachel Naomi Remen [via Kind Over Matter]