Change.

I wake up one morning and things as I know it have changed. A life I was settling into and planning for is now part of the past. I've found myself here before. I've been this girl before, but this time it seems different. The earth was swept out from underneath my feet but this time I'm still standing. My resilience is confusing, but I recognize that the world still goes on. If I were to stand still everything would continue to move around me, so I choose to continue to experience it. I choose happiness, and hopefully eventually it will come.

I am moving a little bit slower. I find myself sometimes walking around in a daze, confused about how to experience my every day things. Going to work, doing my homework, my laundry... things that need to get done are getting done a little slower as I make new memories of old places. There's no use sulking, there's no use wondering 'what if'. The only thing to do is live for today. Right?

I read today in Conscious, Cool, Chic that June is a powerful astrological month. "A lot of energy is changing and moving us forward very strongly on ever-clearer paths. Are you feeling it in your world?" You bet I am. That article then led to this gem. Whether or not you follow what these woman are talking about, these quotes struck a chord in me about the things we'll be feeling this month.

"Liberation from the ghosts of the past. We carry the ghosts of our former lives and the memories of collective social patterns with which we have identified our egos. Every new beginning is surrounded with ghosts (or personal and social karma). Whoever seeks to be truly an individual must be liberated from the past. What is needed is total liquidation of the past."

"We are developing a stronger trust in ourselves and our ability to handle challenges as they arise."

"This eclipse marks a new beginning and a new opportunity. It is about changing our perspective, which in turn changes our reality."

I'll take it. When I think about change, I get excited. Loosing something means gaining something else. In this case, today, I'll take freedom. I am no longer a part of a "we" or an "us." I am going to be on my own. Think about the freedom! Where can I go from here? San Diego? San Fransisco? Argentina? Australia? Why not?

It's still new. The alone-ness still aches and sometimes I have to catch my breath, which normally brings tears to my eyes. And I can't imagine this will go away any time soon. But all I can do is be grateful for what was, and consider all of the opportunities for what will be. Suggestions welcome.


In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?
-
Siddhārtha Gautama

Listen.

My life seems to always revolve around one thing, law of attraction style. Lately, it's been listening. Most people would describe me as a quiet and reserved person (sans alcohol...) and for some people that's just fine. However, it has come to my attention that not everyone in my life is pleased with this seemingly reserved person who doesn't like to take part in conversations. Which is an over-exaggeration, of course. But it is true that I like being quiet. Sometimes I even revel in the quietude. It is also true that I am surrounded by people who would consider themselves a "people-person;" most are outspoken, whether they want to be known as the center of attention or want to seem interested and involved at all times, they are always in the mix. I am literally surrounded by people like this. I love them because I can count on them to keep the conversation going and there's usually never a dull moment. I love them specifically because they aren't quiet. How boring would our lives be if we surrounded ourselves with people so similar to us?

I find a flaw in the theory that the more you talk or the more questions you ask, the more interested you seem. Without the proper knowledge of "knowing when to reel it in" it could come off as arrogant, or just downright annoying. Whatever happened to listening? Last week my company offered an "active listening" session, and while I am embarrassed at the fact that something like this exists because people can't remember childhood lessons, I will say that at least three of my coworkers needed to go to this. And my hope is that they benefited from it. But the point is that we are putting "listening" into the category of professional development here. Someone is teaching adults how to listen. Shouldn't we know this by now? Somewhere along the way people were taught to speak up; say what you're thinking immediately or you might not get a chance, prove to your boss/friends/significant other that you know what you’re talking about at all given times, that you'll be respected more. I'm here to plead the contrary. Listen more. Talk less. Make yourself vulnerable to silence. Hear what other people have to say without thinking of what you're going to say next or interrupting them to say the next best thing. Whatever you have to say can wait. And maybe you'll even learn something.

I'm not knocking speaking up for yourself. It's a valuable skill set to know how to articulate your thoughts and not be afraid of speaking your mind, two things someone like myself could use in a professional development session. But knowing how and when to listen vs speaking up... that can make all of the difference.

"I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention and especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this." - Rachel Naomi Remen [via Kind Over Matter]

Twenty-five

I'm turning 25. In order to avoid the inevitable quarter-life crisis, I've decided to take stock of what I've done so far. A lot of people make to-do lists, but the thought of a "to do before 30" list makes me nauseous, and I'd like to celebrate the fact that I've lived a pretty sweet 25 years, rather than speculate what the next five might be like. So here's to writing again, and here's to sharing my accomplishments and reveling in how awesome I am.

My life, in no particular order.

• Lived in a foreign country (Vietnam!)





• Kept a blog





• Taught English





• Taught dance





• Worked a 9-5





• Kept someone elses schedule.





• Fallen in love. Twice.





• Sang on stage with my favorite cover band (thanks Bearfight)





• Sang on stage at a Cabaret club in NYC (Don't Tell Mama's)





• Sang karaoke. So much karaoke.





• Backpacked for 6 weeks throughout Southeast Asia. By myself.





• Fed an elephant





• Let a monkey eat a pineapple off of my leg.





• Rode horseback on the beach during sunset in Mexico





• Been to New Orleans for Halloween. Twice.





• Participated in a city-wide pillow fight.





• Seen the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins and Yankees play at their home field/court.





• Boston Beer Marathon. ('07, '08 & '09) Self Appointed Team Captain.





• Walked across the Brooklyn Bridge.





• Driven cross country (America)





• Toured with a band as a merch girl (see above/Charlotte Sometimes)





• Been to 10 countries, and counting!





• Gone on 2 service trips. Built a playground for a primary school in St. Elizabeth, Jamaica and built a bus stop in Otavalo, Ecuador.





• Worked for the Boston Music Awards in '06 and '07





• Attended Music Festivals. Bonnaroo ('05, '06, '07 and '10) Some Kind of Jam ('11)





• Seen more live shows than I can count.





• Read more books than I can list.





• Lost a best friend





• Stuck up for myself (see above)





• Ran a 5k





• Ran a 4.2m





• Graduated Cum Laude from Northeastern University with a BS in Music Industry and a minor in Business Administration.





• Make a killer spinach dip for every party I go to.





• Practice yoga as much as possible.

On the horizon / in process :

• Climb Mt. Washington (July)





• Run 4 more 4.2m races in Cambridge and 2 more 5K races in Boston by the end of September





• Gathering of the Vibes '11 (July)





• Move in with boyfriend (hello, Somerville! September)





• Masters degree in Nonprofit Management with a specialization in Global Studies (April '12)





• Learning how to play the drums. Just for fun.





• Learning to hula-hoop!

Dreaming Big

• Burning man





• Live in another foreign country





• Learn Spanish
  

*Disclaimer, I have the right to edit this as I see fit. Also, this list is 99.9% post college, so everything on here has happened no earlier than 2004, except singing in NYC which was around '02/'03, but I couldn't possibly leave that out.