"The truth, and you probably already know this, is that there might not be any “definites” in life, in defining ourselves. I should probably just write a list of “Things I’m Not Sure About” and include just one item: Everything. Because I’m learning that as scary and frustrating and heart-wrenching as it is, doubting everything really is essential. When we’re certain of things, we don’t have to think about them. We don’t question them. We don’t need to figure them out. And so we never learn if they really are “real,” or just facades of things we once knew and accepted. What we need to believe (and I’m working on this) is that what really matters — the people you love, the motivations that really drive you, what really brings you pleasure or pain — will stand up to any doubt you throw at it. Everything else never needed to be there in the first place." - life: unqualified.

Thanks to Kelly, a current volunteer for Teachers for Vietnam, for leading me to one of the best pieces on the experience of living abroad that I've ever read. The part that jumped out to me the most, as if I could have written it myself:

"It was December 1963, and I was glad to be gone. I'd been dismayed by the spirit of the times, the violence, the complacency, the racism, the militarism, the weird quest for material goods. I was well aware, with a lightness of soul, that I was unburdened. Everything I owned in the world fitted into the small suitcase I had with me. I had nothing in the bank, no property; did not own so much as a chair. I was superbly portable. I had just turned twenty-two."

Incredibly insightful article that has once again made me think about my next adventure.. and wonder if in fact I'll even have one. I just re-read the article again. Beautiful, in a way that you might not be able to understand unless you've put yourself in that position.

Two other articles that are making me think this morning about the balance of travel and settling:

Being a minimalist in today's society and a woman who was humbled by that article. My head is spinning this morning.

On a completely unrelated note, music. I've been trying to listen to more and to learn to love it again. I've been listening to a lot of Bruce Springsteen, he was amazing live when I saw him with my mom last year, and I'd love to see him again knowing even more of his music. My all time favorites are Brilliant Disguise, Thunder Road and Born to Run. Thunder Road might be my number one... jury's still out.

Also, I've finally given into Vilva, and I actually like Paramore. I don't have a lot of their beginning stuff (don't worry, he'll get it to me soon) but their new album is really good. A few songs I'd suggest listening to are All I Wanted, Misguided Ghosts, and The Only Exception. They are slower and the lyrics are pretty great.

That's all for now. I'm missing certain people terribly and consequently hating certain countries and oceans and time zones. But I am looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving to see my OG crew. Sometimes it's good to visit your roots and I need to remember that. I blow them off far too often for my Boston life. I'm working on it! See you guys in two weeks! xoxo.

I wonder why it was so much easier for me to write when I was in Vietnam. I had a lot of extra time and was incredibly introspective.. but I wish that writing had stuck with me. These days I'm usually uninspired to blog unless I'm sharing someone else's words and I wonder if that will ever change. I hope it does.

Today's post is inspired by this great piece about the things that matter.

Friends, friends, friends. People weigh family and friends differently. Family is important, family comes first. I'm not disputing this, but my friends are my family. Ever since I could remember. When I was younger I was upset about the fact that my family was small, not that close, kinda fucked up. And I was embarrassed that my people, my rocks, were my friends. As I grew I realized I wasn't the only one whose family was kinda fucked up and that I'm actually incredibly lucky to have such amazing friends. Today that's more true than ever. So this is just a post to say how grateful I am for that.

This weekend my mom came to visit and I wasn't quite sure what to expect. As a complete surprise to me, my oldest and best friend came to visit, too! For the most part, it was a great weekend and it was so, so, good to see her. I grew up with her. She knows me. Unfortunately, we don't talk too often. I'm always doing a million things, she's always going a million things, distance is easy, communication is sometimes hard. I know she loves me, she knows I love her. The most amazing thing about a friendship like ours is that even if we don't talk for weeks, when we do it is like no time has passed. Sometimes I get mad that she's not the best at keeping in touch, but in retrospect it doesn't change a single thing. That's just the type of friendship we have. Whenever I go home she will be there and we will spend time with each other and she'll come to visit me no matter where in the world I might go. It's so comforting to have that. Thankful for old friends.

The past twenty four hours have been a little rough for me. As I was walking around the city contemplating things I realized that the only person I wanted to talk to is someone I seem to be loosing touch with. The past few weeks I've been cursing her both in my head and to others, which I feel awful about, but I assume is my way of dealing with our new friendship, which for multiple reasons has changed from what we're both used to. So rather than be sad about how I haven't talked to her in so long, I just sent her a text and told her I missed her. She called me back and we had a really good talk. We caught up on each other lives, gossiped about our friends, complained about how we are too busy and too young to want to go to bed at nine every night and not go out on the weekends because we're so tired. We didn't talk about any of the things that have been bothering me, she didn't know I had a hard day... but I still felt better after we got off the phone. As much as it's been hard getting use to this new type of friendship we have, I know she will always 100% be there for me, and I hope she knows the same.

And then there are the people that surprise you. An ex who had a previous fault of not being a good conversationalist when it came to the things that mattered totally pulled through for me last night. Out of no where, made things a little bit better. We're not gonna be 'friends' all of the sudden and I wouldn't call him crying... but I am so thankful that he was around last night and that he was so supportive of me when he really didn't have to be. After my mini break down we just kept talking. I told him I was thinking of moving to the pacific northwest and he reminded me that I hate the rain, love the beach, and used to want San Diego. I don't remember when or why I changed my mind. He asked me where all of my hippy stuff went in my room and why and how I started listening to things other than jam bands. It's funny the things people remember and it's funny how people change. I wish I could have answered his questions. Then we started talking thoughts on politics, the draft, abortion. He's changed to, and I give him more credit then I have in the past. Thankful for the things I never ever expected.

And then there's Marisa. We never end up hanging out because I always flake out, she has way too many friends and does way too many things for me to keep up with, she listens to my bullshit and she laughs at me when I do stupid things (this happens often). I can talk to her about my recent fling or we can discuss the education crisis in urban cities. She's smarter than me and I love listening to her opinions and ideas. She loves wine [almost] as much as I do and is always dressed at least three times nicer than me. She was completely supportive of me in Vietnam and listens to me bitch about not being able to decide on Grad School. My favorite thing about her? She's one of the most interesting people I know. She loves to learn, and she inspires me. Despite the fact that I feel like I get more than I give, she's always there and I'm pretty damn thankful I know her.

Those are just a few things that have recently been brought to my attention. The list goes on and on about how grateful I am, but it wouldn't be an interesting read. I'm guess I'm just really lucky.

A great article about that wanderlust that ever traveler eventually struggles with if they decide to settle down. Have I settled down for good? No way. Who knows where I'll end up after grad school.

"So when we're grounded for an extended time, we have the opportunity to take our traveling soul and apply it to other parts of our lives - we take classes that nurture our interests, we spend time with people that "get" us, we continue to live simply, we research the next adventure. We can still feed the wanderlust. We are still "that" person."

For kicks. Shits and giggles. Piss & vinegar. Whatever.

Look what I just found.

A small step towards world peace? Did I really say that? Am I a beauty pageant contestant?

Two quotes I found worth sharing:

"A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it’s not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.”- George Carlin

"I use to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people, and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word." - Augusten Burroughs

I can't believe how much I miss my students. Below, a message I just received from one of them via facebook:

Hi, how are you? For a long time I haven't sent you a message. But I hope you still remember me. What are you doing in America? All of us, your students in Can Tho University, miss you very much and hope that we can meet you again. Lots of love for you! Xxxxxxxxxx
Bye bye. I'm looking for your message.

Your student,
Kim Yen.