I'm starting anew, I'm starting a new blog.

I know I've only been back in the states for three months, but I've already lost it. I lost the excited feeling of seeing everyone and everything for the first time and I'm settling into a routine. Which is what I wanted and also what I've dreaded. But I refuse to succumb to the boredom and the 9-5 [read: 8-4] every-day-ness that wants to swallow me whole. I'm not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself that I'm not somewhere else doing something else while a handful of the people I care about most on on their own adventures. I already had mine.

I have a hard time reading stories from other people [read: my best friends], because they're not mine. Not that I think they aren't as good.. but I know what experiencing it feels like and I don't get that feeling reading their stories. I just get a knife-in-the-stomach feeling that not only is it not happening to me, but I'm getting further and further away from my experience and more curious about the next stages of my life. I want this to stop.

I was so excited to come back, I had an amazing summer, and I fell in love with Boston all over again. I want to soak this up, I want to remember this feeling, I want to be here for the next three years and then jump ship again. That's always been the plan in my head, but I'm already nervous I'm going to get stuck for longer. Stuck. I don't want to think about it this way.

I'm going to pursue a Masters Degree. This was never, ever, ever on my "To Do" list for my life. I'm completely nervous and really excited to start this adventure. I don't want to rush it, but I'm already getting restless. One thing I've always known about myself.. I need to keep busy. If I keep busy I don't think about this longing and ache to be somewhere else. I don't think about all of the people I already miss. I don't think about Germany. I don't think about Vietnam. I don't think about all of the "what-ifs" that are constantly playing through my head. I keep busy, and I move on.

That's that. No sob story. I'm here doing what I want to do and I don't have to be here forever.. just for now. And great things are capable of happening and who knows what the future will bring and I don't need to be planning it now. I'll wake up every morning and remind myself that Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life. And I will have a good day. And I'll write in my new blog.

xx