Today I woke up feeling lighter and better than ever. Well, than lately. It's been a month since my life has turned around, and I woke up today and felt light. I attribute this to many things:

My dad spent the weekend in Boston. It was exhausting, and it went by too fast. We went to the Aquarium, the Institute of Contemporary Art, the Harpoon Brewery, and saw Dispatch live at TD Garden. We walked through the Public Gardens and got a beer at Cheers. We went to the movies. We laughed, we walked, we talked. It was so nice to just be. Usually when he comes to Boston he drives down in the morning, helps me move into a new apartment, and we grab a quick bite to eat before he drives back to Jersey. When I go home for a visit it's usually only for two or three days, sometimes I'm accompanied by someone from Boston, and then he works during the day and I see my friends at night. We schedule a lunch or dinner here or there but we haven't spent this much time together in a while. And it was only two days. But it made a difference. He'll always be my number one fan- whether I'm moving to Boston, moving to Vietnam, dreaming of Europe, or asking to come home. Just knowing that there is someone out there who will support every single ridiculous thought in your head, and especially getting to spend quality time with that person, can really make a difference.

When he left, I was surprised at how sad I was. I wanted desperately to pack up my room and jump in the car with him to drive home. But I couldn't. I could- he would be more than thrilled. But I know that I can't. I have responsibilities, both to myself and to others, and I can't walk away from them. I now know that I can leave, when I'm ready, and I will spend the next six months living it up in Boston. Going to all of the places I've never gone, doing things I've never done... and by the time I leave here I think I'll finally be ready to fully move on.

The lightness can also be attributed to facebook. Or, the lack thereof. That's right, for the second time in my life (since its conception in 2005) I've deactivated my facebook account. You might remember that the last time I did this was right after my breakup with Ryan. I also chopped off all of my hair and dyed it dark brown. These things happen. I am happy to report that this is unrelated. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. The truth is, I've grown tired of its necessity, its centrality, and the amount of time I spend doing literally nothing, that I could use reading a book, or another blog, or writing one of my two papers due this week. Not "having" to check facebook for only 24 hours has already left me feeling less attached, and much lighter. Nobody has 800 friends. And I don't care if you're watching The Bachelor, or doing your laundry, or eating pizza. Unless I live with you or want to see you, I really don't care what you're doing at every given moment. If you want to reach me, shoot me an email, or a text, or even a phone call! The possibilities are still endless.

This is also directly attributed to friends. This past month I've really taken account of who my true friends are; who I want to spend time with, who I want to make time for, and who wants to spend time with me. I'm tired of one-sided relationships, and I'm done with trying to make everyone happy. What has come from this? Closer connections to the people that matter, reconnecting with old friends, and making new ones. Making time for the right people instead of spreading myself too thin. I've separated myself from people who've quieted me and I'm free to spend time with who I want and go where I want.

This weekend I'm heading home to the sea. One week of good friends and the ocean. Then, I'm climbing Mt. Washington. I finally bought my ticket to Gathering of the Vibes. I'm taking my life back, because I lost June to a person I don't particularly like, and July is looking pretty promising.


“And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in.” - Haruki Murakami