Dear Matt,

I love you, I do. But you are the only man who I have ever thought looks worse with facial hair. When I saw you last week, I was so excited I didn't even care. Now that I've seen Faster... what were you thinking with that mustache?! You are killing me. When you had scruff in Falling Apart, I thought we were truly soulmates. Now I don't know what to think.

Anyway, thanks for making music. I will always buy your albums. And thanks for loving the 80s.

Please shave soon,
Sam